You'll Know Me As...

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Jakarta, Indonesia
Founder of @ProjekMimpi - a reality book and workshop project. Founder of @LenteraMahadaya - a non profit organization for Muallaf / Muslim convert Proud owner of Love Actually Planner @LA_Planner + @Lady Mosh Invaders [Rockin' clothing line for hijabers] @LadyMoshInvader - Twinkle Twinkle(band) Manager @thetwinkstars. Media / Promotion Manager of @KitchenDeath gothic band Jakarta - a rebel. a lover. a dreamer. a believer. a fighter. lately a muallaf. loves writing fiksimini and blogging. an ordinary someone with XTRAordinary dreams. a proud SINGLE mother of one adorable metalhead son \m/ .that i can be a bitch most of the times [err in a positive way I suppose?] .hopelessly romantic ordinary woman - LOOKING FOR that special someone to fill in the 'gap' and help making me whole; again -

Friday, October 7, 2011

|Miracles Still Happen: When You Believe - A Story of Hope, Faith and ALLAH's Love: Waking Up From a Comma

This is a story of my dad. This is a story about miracle. This is a story about his personal encounter with ALLAH; and got his life saved.

About 3 years ago, my dad started to have really bad problems with his sight. He couldn't see clearly and need to undergo a series of eye therapy.
When finally his sight became worst the doctor recommend him to have eye surgery instead.
My dad had gone through 4 times eye surgery and his sight was even worst than ever. He only has 10% of his sight and everything became really blur for him.

My dad has diabetes and has already lost one eye due to diabetes complication. This is the only eye he has left and he became really stressful of the thoughts of losing his only eye.

Decision had been made; my mom decided to bring my dad for another eye surgery in Singapore in one of the best hospital in town. Meeting arrangement with the doctor had been set up, tickets had been ordered and passports had been renewed. All set.

Few days before my dad's departure to Singapore, I prayed. I felt really crushed because all I ever wanted is to have my dad walking beside me on my wedding day (one day) and I will be the one who will be holding his hands proudly. If the operation failed, how could I have him walk beside me?

In the middle of me crying, I heard ALLAH said 'stop crying, your dad is already healed'
I wasn't so sure at first. I kept asking ALLAH to show me proof if he's healed

I have a custom of laying my hand on the Holy Qur'an cover and ask for ALLAH's wisdom to show me what HE wants to say. Amazingly, HE shown me verses of miracle healing in two different Chapter. All verses about healing!

My heart jumped with joy and I dialed my mom number directly to tell her that no need to go to Singapore 'cause daddy is healed!

But I had to swallow my happiness in an instant. My mom doesn't believe me and even turn my call off when I mentioned about praying in faith.

Few days before leaving to Singapore, my mom called again and cried at the phone saying that my dad has to be hospitalized in Jakarta due to prostate infection and need to be operate soon.

I was at the office in Bali at that time and I felt that my head spin. What is this? My dad's eye is still in worrying condition and now, another operation need to be done for his prostate infection.

Honestly, at that time, I start questioning God....

That morning on July 3rd, 2009; my dad undergo prostate surgery and need to be isolated in the ICU for thorough evaluation; in case anything happen due to his diabetes complication. For someone with diabetes like my dad, sugar level in his blood need to be well maintained. If it's too high or too low, my dad's life is at risk. Having a diabetes also means that the high sugar level above normal could affect other body parts and damage them.

That July 3rd, 2009 at 17:00, my mom called-cried-and told me that there had been bleeding. I was in complete shocked and decided to fly to Jakarta immediately on the first flight in the next morning.

When I finally reached the hospital, I stormed my way to the ICU; eagerly seeing my dad. What a relief seeing him a better condition and what surprise me the most is: he told me that he could see now! My dad said that his sight is fully recovered! Without any eye surgery at all!
Now I finally understand that, that night when I prayed; ALLAH healed my dad's sight. That's why HE asked me not to cry anymore.

But.........the story has not end yet.
July 5th, 05:00 AM, my dad has another bleeding and need to be rushed to the operating theater once again.....
"What now???"

July 5th, 13:00 PM, my dad started to had breathing difficulty. The oxygen level in his blood is not sufficient enough to supply his needs – and if it’s continued, my dad may lose his consciousness.

July 5th, 18:00 PM, my dad start to lose conscious; the oxygen level now was below normal; his heartbeat increasing rapidly. The normal rate is between 80 – 100, but my dad’s was 180!

Doctor said that my dad had a heart attack and pneumonia

Tears are all over my face. Seeing my dad in pain, trying to absorb the oxygen really tore my heart in pieces. I kept singing praying asking ALLAH to help my dad make it thru so he could breathe normally again.

But my prayers seemed didn’t change anything….My dad was like fish struggling for water. He’s now unconscious….

July 5th, 23:00 PM
My dad was now 100% fully supplied by oxygen from the machine and couldn't breathe on his own; his now in comma....

Doctor told us that with my dad's condition, he only had under 50% chance of survival and our family pastor 
(my family are Christians - mostly)  even said that we had to prepare for the worst.
He even told us to have a family prayer in my dad's ICU room and personally let him know that "it's okay if you have to go....."
My mom even already arranged my dad's best suites to be delivered from our home and my aunts and uncles had already discussed about my dad's coffin...

Human's way are not ALLAH's
ALLAH's power can't be limited.

After almost 2 days of dad, finally opened his eyes.....and started breathing on his own

Theoretically, after almost 5 hours struggling with no sufficient oxygen, my dad was supposed to had some nerves damaged and might be some memory or brain function loss.
But guess what??? He's 100% cure! PERFECT!

I used to say that "dear GOD, I had a big problem"; but now, I will stand proudly and say "hey problem, I have a BIG GOD!"

Miracles do happen.....and will still happen as long as we believe in HIM

"and We sent down in the Quran that is healing and mercy to those who believe" Quran 17:82

Your Failures Do Not Define You

Ever wondered why you could not make everything going right?
Always stumble in the same old hole?
Always repeating the same mistakes even when we knew that it's the wrong thing to do?
And you're now desperately seeking the answer of "How Come?"; "Why"?
Maybe even the people that you trust and respect the most started to blame you for not being obedient enough; not praying enough; not reading Holy Qur'an enough OR for not being a good Christian or Buddhist or Hindu
And you're starting to feel so convicted by the judgment and starting to questioning whether you're worthy enough or not in HIS sight.

Our flesh is weak but we're strong in HIS spirit.
We could never win over any obstacles in our life if we're counting on our 'weak-self'

It's not about how many times we failed, stumbled or fell that matter the most.
NO! ALLAH does not count that.
The good news is, ALLAH only counting on how many times you gather your strength and trying your best to raise again.

HE understands who we are.
HE knows what we're thinking and even HE knows what we're about to do, even when we don't even know it yet.
So HE knows precisely how and when we're going to commit sins.

But....does all the facts above change the way HE feels about us?
NO! Certainly NOT!

ALLAH look deeper into our every hearts and feel every beat; every tears; every sorry-feeling; every pain and every effort we've tried to come back to HIS wonderful embrace.

So, life is not about what we think about who we are but it's about who we are in ALLAH's sight: 'Precious', 'Adorable', 'Loved', 'Trusted' and 'Wanted'

ALLAH is soooo ready to embrace you with HIS abundant love, from today on and will last forever

Have you made your choice today to stand up and receive HIS blessings - whatever the circumstances you're in?

ALLAH blesses you!

Tell Someone You Love Them

It doesn't require a great deal of energy to make a huge difference to your community.

Starting today, please spend some time to tell the people around you that you love them.
A simple word which could heal the broken-hearted, could give comfort to people with burden, could give courage to those who has no faith to go on, and could give a touch of love to those who yearn of ALLAH's unconditional love.

[a tiny baby step could change the whole world]

This is a movement to touch others' lives - ALLAH's way. 
Focusing on regaining our healthy identity back just as how the way ALLAH would want us to be.

People with broken past; growing up in unhealthy environment; victim of abusive parents or people that they trusted the most; people with emotional insecurity; abandoned children; and so many others who are emotionally damaged; are hard to accept themselves and always have negative sentiments over themselves; treat themselves badly in a harmful & destructive ways [both physically & mentally - often lead to suicide attempt]; no self respect; - which also affected the way they treated others

Me, for example; was raised in a very conservative family. A always means A, no toleration for AB, B or even C
On the other hand, I'm a very very strong headed person.
We often argue and ended up with verbal abuse - starting when I was 13
I was not a really bright kid - just ordinary. Didn't make many friends; not even talented and not even could be proud of.
I was adopted adoptive parents said that all because of I was conceived from a bad seed
I was often told that I was no good.
No good and nice things could come out of me.

These verbal abuse starting to grow to physical abuses.
I was beat up; thrown at with chair; felt my dad's feet on my head; thrown to the wall and even forced to swallow poisonous ingredients with my mom cheering at my back

They could never heard me saying no on their condition.

I grew up into a very very destructive teenager.
Learn to smoke at the age of 13
Learn to love alcoholic drink & even use cannabis on later stage
Living a really wild life - for me my life started at midnight - when the normal people sleep, me and my homies just start dealing with rock and roll, drugs and party. Whew!

I even had tried to attempt suicide for 4 times!
I ended up in ICU for 4 times and wondered why I still alive

One day, I had a breakthrough, that changed my life in an instant.
On my 5th suicide attempt, I was at a bus; I heard a singing sung by a homeless. It was a religious song.
Amazingly, after a year of not having any interaction with God-and never been able to cry for any of religious songs I'd heard- but on that night, just when I about to end my life; I cried
But this time, a different cry....
I felt that all my burden; my hatred; my feeling of unloved-insecurity-unworthy-rejection are all washed away

I felt that on that night I have found my way out...
and miraculously the strength to forgive myself and my past flows from within
I'm now reborn - and even better: I now have abundant love to be given to those who are just like who I used to be

This is a story of how ALLAH has shown me the way back to HIS love. But unfortunately, not everyone has the chance to experience HIS great kindness & grace because they have never heard of HIM

This is a movement; to let people know that even we are broken and shattered [just like a vase]; ALLAH would love to glued us again with HIS abundant love-HIS unconditional acceptance and would love to put again a bundle of fresh beautiful flowers inside each one of us.
We may still look broken from the outside after all that we've been through, but, one thing for sure, it could never change the fact that from the broken vase, we could still see the beauty of the flowers within.

And moreover, we are destined to great things with our lives -don't just dream, make it happen! If ALLAH be with us when we cross the START line, HE will also be there when we finally reach the FINISH line.

This is my desire that each one of us could look at themselves the way ALLAH value us :)